The VOICE of Prayer

When do you find the need to pray? What is the reason you pray? Do you ever hear an answer?

When I think about these questions, I remember my journey through infertility. I deeply desired to become a mother and spent a decade praying for this. My need to pray was attached to my hopes and dreams. I desired to have the hole in my heart, left by the absence of children, filled. My reason to pray was the same.

My answer…yes, I received an answer. I heard the Voice of Prayer say, you will have to wait 10 years before you will have your family. This answer was unbelievable to me and sadly, not what I wanted to hear. I was left feeling robbed of my dreams, barren and broken, and the answer I received from the Voice of Prayer was one that left me feeling abandoned.

John 10:5; 6-10- Jesus claimed:

Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

What was causing me to feel robbed? Why didn’t the answer I was given, bring me peace?

Therefore, Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

My journey though this painful season continually brought me to prayer. I believed God was the source and answer to all my prayers. As I continued to seek, I began to see it was really God pursuing me. In my desperation, I was finally willing to listen and was given insight in these verses:

John 14:15-18

“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever-the Spirit of truth.

Romans 8:9b-11

And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.

Ah! What I lacked wasn’t a certain answer. I was missing the Holy Spirit. I was barren but not because my body could not conceive a child. It was because my heart was not being filled with life from the Holy Spirit who always led me to Jesus. I thought I knew Jesus, but the truth was I knew about him. When I embraced His gift of the Holy Spirit, only then did I truly begin to know Him, His perfect peace and life abundantly.

The answer I sought and wanted became a ploy from the one who desires to steal, kill and destroy. The answer I was given truth and love brought real life to me—body and spirit.

I did wait 10 years to become a mother. God knew the reason I was to wait and knew what I needed to truly fill my emptiness. He knew I need Jesus to heal my broken and barren heart instead of my barren womb. My husband and I are now parents to three beautiful children of our hearts through adoption. The Voice of Prayer will never abandon us or leave us broken if we truly call on His name and listen for His truth.

Post by Kathy Chapman, gracespring member

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